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Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread

Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« on: Mon 23 Feb 09 13:17 GMT »
IT: this project will take at least 3 months
Finance: OK well we will give you 2 months and see how you get on.
IT: Can we take on any extra staff?
Finance: No.
IT: We will be a month overdue then.
Finance: Why?

 Spaz Face Spaz Face Spaz Face Spaz Face lolbut...

sad
« Last Edit: Mon 02 Mar 09 13:39 GMT by glosrob »
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #1 on: Mon 23 Feb 09 13:18 GMT »
Doing anything special for your 500th post? Maybe a small party with your closest friends?  bunny
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #2 on: Mon 23 Feb 09 13:25 GMT »
one of our current site managers refuses to tell us the date weve got to do the work by  uhoh lol
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #3 on: Mon 23 Feb 09 13:55 GMT »
Quote from: PeterFear on Mon 23 Feb 09 13:18 GMT
Doing anything special for your 500th post? Maybe a small party with your closest friends?  bunny
Nothing special but for 1000 it will be a party like an 'S' Club Juniors Party poundit

DDA I know that feeling, it isnt my boss rather the people putting down the requirements to him. I have been doing bug fixes and the descriptions are mental:

"There is a problem with a thing on the page."

Which page?
What thing?
What problem?

YOU FUCKING SPAZZER MONG
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #4 on: Mon 23 Feb 09 19:33 GMT »
Quote from: glosrob on Mon 23 Feb 09 13:55 GMT
Quote from: PeterFear on Mon 23 Feb 09 13:18 GMT
Doing anything special for your 500th post? Maybe a small party with your closest friends?  bunny
Nothing special but for 1000 it will be a party like an 'S' Club Juniors Party poundit

DDA I know that feeling, it isnt my boss rather the people putting down the requirements to him. I have been doing bug fixes and the descriptions are mental:

"There is a problem with a thing on the page."

Which page?
What thing?
What problem?

YOU FUCKING SPAZZER MONG

Oooh... have you been doing your Bastard exams? ninja
« Last Edit: Tue 24 Feb 09 14:55 GMT by Bacon Sarnie »
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #5 on: Tue 24 Feb 09 11:12 GMT »
Quote from: glosrob on Mon 23 Feb 09 13:17 GMT
IT: this project will take at least 3 months
Finance: OK well we will give you 2 months and see how you get on.
IT: Can we take on any extra staff?
Finance: No.
IT: We will be a month overdue then.
Finance: Why?

 Spaz Face Spaz Face Spaz Face Spaz Face lolbut...

sad

HAHAH I like it.

Bean counters always ALWAYS fail.
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #6 on: Tue 24 Feb 09 20:12 GMT »
my project's a good un... first spend 18 months and lots of money writing out business requirements, going through tender process, choosing supplier, PAYING supplier to come in and design new application.

then, decide you can't be arsed with it and can them off.

then, go through tendering process, re-affirmation of processes/requirements, select 2 suppliers (SAP + Experian if you must know)

shit oneself at price/time to implement

decide to keep what you have, call it a "tactical solution"

time on project - 2 and a bir years, delivered sytems = 0

woo my massive blue chip company and it's ever changing IS structure + proabable backhanders/SAP mafia!!!
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #7 on: Wed 25 Feb 09 03:47 GMT »
hahaha 

Big business is just utterly retarded. I went into a meeting once with a billion pound food manufacturer. Was board level, chairman, directors etc etc. The meeting was about their new website and each director was responsible for their "section" - cold food, warm food, sandwiches, etc etc yawn. I'm sat there for 2 hours while these cunts argue about what each area should be called. I went mental and slammed my fist on the table and said: We're here to take requirements for your website which you want built and built fast, do this some other time.

I looked across at my manager who was white, shaking, and had the look of murder in her eyes....and then the Chairman laid it down on the directors and thanked me for my actions at the end of the meeting. My boss was unable to hate me and we got a nice big amount of work out of them smug

Moral of the story - old men dithering = get angry.
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #8 on: Wed 25 Feb 09 09:05 GMT »
sounds about right freefall.

the reason the project went tits up in the first place was that while we had this supplier in to gather our requirements the business spent 3 weeks arguing with each other in every single workshop, debating all the finer details and generally being precious about everything.

it meant the project scope creeped like a sod and the original price of about £200k ended up nearer the million pound mark. wankers.
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #9 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 10:03 GMT »
I used to work in Financial Services (or IT services to FS) and we were building a transactional website for one of the big life & pension providers.

We'd been working on it for many months, as you can imagine, and had got to the point where they'd signed off all the functionality - pension calculators, product applications, product self service etc etc.

We were still sorting out a few aspects of the look & feel of the website, but we'd fixed everything major - working with their brand dept to get it aligned to their brand guidelines and all that guff.

The only decision remaining - with 4 weeks until the site launched - was whether the main colour scheme would be Client Corporate BLUE or Client Corporate GREEN.

Needless to say, the board took a while to decide this and this one decision was the reason the side launched 6 weeks late.
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #10 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 11:02 GMT »
Quote from: webb on Wed 25 Feb 09 09:05 GMT
sounds about right freefall.

the reason the project went tits up in the first place was that while we had this supplier in to gather our requirements the business spent 3 weeks arguing with each other in every single workshop, debating all the finer details and generally being precious about everything.

it meant the project scope creeped like a sod and the original price of about £200k ended up nearer the million pound mark. wankers.


I'd have gone mental in those meetings...and been fired probably.
Where do you work now?
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #11 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 11:26 GMT »
heh, still here, still on same project.

The news that we were going "tactical" only broke on Tuesday so just trying to work out what i do with that now.

We've got some "quick wins" in the pipeline which i'm business owner for (i'm not an IS employee) so i've got to balance the need to get some quick fixes in with the fact that i now can't destroy the current system as that will now be the medium to long term approach.


ballache does not even begin to describe it.
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #12 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 14:38 GMT »
heh indeed. Need another PM/Consultant?
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #13 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 14:53 GMT »
Quote from: freefall on Thu 26 Feb 09 14:38 GMT
heh indeed. Need another PM/Consultant?

heh, i'd love to change our PM but really i need a whole new IS department, a new management structure and a huge budget.

The Experian product really is the mutts but it would have cost a fourtune. My opinion is that you get what you pay for, the business however want all that they could offer but preferably for free!

You don't know a good hitman actually do you?
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #14 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 15:01 GMT »
haha

but i can come in and dominate most of your department into shape, or quitting...I', quite good at that :P
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Re: This is how to organise a project
« Reply #15 on: Thu 26 Feb 09 15:13 GMT »
This makes me glad I decided to ditch the Internets in favour of helping our government liberate oil from the middle east.
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #16 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 13:40 GMT »
some well good looking guy probably nailing Jennifer Ellison as we speak: alright boss I need updated DB to start the next round of bug fixes
boss: yep no problem I will send you that now
some well good looking guy probably nailing Jennifer Ellison as we speak: ok thanks

<boss leaves to go to two hour meeting>
<tumbleweed rolls across the office>
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #17 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 14:44 GMT »
I'm still in bed btw.
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #18 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 15:31 GMT »
Quote from: Fabian on Mon 02 Mar 09 14:44 GMT
I'm still in bed btw.

Smited.

For unfairness/jealousy
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #19 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 15:50 GMT »
I'm at home

working confused
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #20 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 16:00 GMT »
Im at work not working cos once again my machine is as stable as.. bloody.. ummm... something not stable.

AH!

Jade Goody's condition  smug
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #21 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 16:29 GMT »
I'm off today sad
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #22 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 19:31 GMT »
I had the weirdest experience today...born again christians are quite something...  wut?
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #23 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 19:44 GMT »
Quote from: liverbird on Mon 02 Mar 09 19:31 GMT
I had the weirdest experience today...born again christians are quite something...  wut?

tell us more?
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #24 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 20:28 GMT »
Quote from: Bacon Sarnie on Mon 02 Mar 09 19:44 GMT
Quote from: liverbird on Mon 02 Mar 09 19:31 GMT
I had the weirdest experience today...born again christians are quite something...  wut?

tell us more?
Let me rephrase that.

Tell us more now.
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #25 on: Mon 02 Mar 09 20:34 GMT »
Quote from: glosrob on Mon 02 Mar 09 20:28 GMT
Quote from: Bacon Sarnie on Mon 02 Mar 09 19:44 GMT
Quote from: liverbird on Mon 02 Mar 09 19:31 GMT
I had the weirdest experience today...born again christians are quite something...  wut?

tell us more?
Let me rephrase that.

Tell us more now.
you missed off the 'biatch', Rob.
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #26 on: Tue 03 Mar 09 12:17 GMT »
oh went to a new beautician who told me about the bible, the new prophet jesus, how the pope is the 666 beast and noah's arc was not a true story
but mirrors our faith and life

i wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. but she was the one with the wax so didn't dare anything

oh and she told e the antichrist has arrived
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #27 on: Tue 03 Mar 09 12:22 GMT »
Quote from: liverbird on Tue 03 Mar 09 12:17 GMT
oh went to a new beautician who told me about the bible, the new prophet jesus, how the pope is the 666 beast and noah's arc was not a true story
but mirrors our faith and life

i wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. but she was the one with the wax so didn't dare anything

oh and she told e the antichrist has arrived
lol lol

I literally love it poundit

I get loads of door to door Christian salesmen around our area (there are loads of churches about) and some in town. There opening lines are stuff like 'what is the meaning of life?' or 'Have you let Jesus into your life?'.

I'd like to know how the story of the great flood mirrors our life and faith though. I thought it was just a mass genocide by a god who got it wrong.

A god who got it wrong.

What a shit god Thumbs Down

p.s. just started reading the book/chapter/bit in the Koran called 'The Women'. I am expecting to be able to lay down some new forum rules for the women here very soon lol
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #28 on: Tue 03 Mar 09 13:06 GMT »
Quote from: liverbird on Tue 03 Mar 09 12:17 GMT


oh and she told e the antichrist has arrived

TBF that was a couple of years ago now. And there were two of them. They came from the West.
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #29 on: Tue 03 Mar 09 14:04 GMT »
well the new prophet has written it black on white. its a book you can get for free on the internet. We only have a few year left before everything explodes. It's written black on white!
I loved it when she told me " you know Noah didn't actually waste time getting 2 chicken and two rabbits" no shit?!

she also told me how we all believe in god no matter what we call it : bigbang, guardian angel...  haha
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #30 on: Tue 03 Mar 09 20:33 GMT »
Quote from: Yellow Boy on Tue 03 Mar 09 13:06 GMT
Quote from: liverbird on Tue 03 Mar 09 12:17 GMT


oh and she told e the antichrist has arrived


TBF that was a couple of years ago now. And there were two of them. They came from the West.





This also came up, when searching for the gruesome twosome...



 orly
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #31 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 13:44 GMT »
please god say we are not hiring temp contract people sad
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #32 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 13:49 GMT »
ROB



ROB!




ROB!!!




I'm still in bed smug
« Last Edit: Wed 04 Mar 09 13:52 GMT by Fabian »
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #33 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 13:52 GMT »
Quote from: Fabian on Wed 04 Mar 09 13:49 GMT
ROB



ROB!




ROB!!!



I'm still in bed smug

I love and hate you at the same time lol Shake Fist

If I was at home in bed for the day I'd have laptop on one side, cat on the other. Placed with an arms reach on my bedside table sits a nuclear strength black coffee and my Xbox360 controller.

Oh I wish sad
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #34 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 13:53 GMT »
Are you trying to mock me because my 360 is away getting fixed? sad
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #35 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 13:57 GMT »
Quote from: Fabian on Wed 04 Mar 09 13:53 GMT
Are you trying to mock me because my 360 is away getting fixed? sad
I wasnt.

But now I am.

COD4 poundit

snipe snipe snipe snipe snipe snii... oh?

Meeting.

brb sad sad
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #36 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 15:50 GMT »
i work in an inbound call centre taking calls for the  north west,

but something is worng and we are getting all the calls from all over the country  sad
 Scared
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #37 on: Wed 04 Mar 09 16:51 GMT »
i'm in bed too  Surprised. tendinitis  sad
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #38 on: Thu 05 Mar 09 10:14 GMT »
I haven't had a day off since christmas  sulk

Fecking slackers  Shake Fist
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Re: Official I'm at work / Moan about Work Thread
« Reply #39 on: Thu 05 Mar 09 10:17 GMT »
I'm not in bed sad

This is the 1st time I've been to this lecture since September. I've just realised why.
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